To Clean or Not to Clean

Recently, while getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist, I began to ponder cleaning. I was thinking that I was going to become the best flosser in the world. I would go home and floss that night and the next night. My teeth were clean now so why not keep them that way? Well, because, I realized that it is much more satisfying to floss when I really need it or when I am know I am going to the dentist. That is what happen this time. I started flossing two weeks before my visit and the dental hygienist was impressed. Ha!

Next, I started dreaming about vacuuming once a week, instead of when I noticed pieces of lint on the ground or company was coming over. I thought about becoming that person who wiped down the bathroom every week and mopped every two weeks. I wanted to become the housekeeper who completes her chores like clockwork!

But alas, I never would become that person. Why? Because it is much more satisfying for me to clean something that is dirty rather than something that is clean. So, I will probably only floss and vacuum when my teeth and floors need it. Gross? Maybe.

"It's okay, I'm white"

“it’s okay, I’m white, if something happens, the police will protect me…”

“it’s okay, no one wants to rob the white guy, it means the police will get involved…”

Every two weeks on a Tuesday evening, I walk from Powell Station to Tenderloin After School Program where I volunteer at the teen homework night. It is a two block walk that brings up more fear, insecurity, and soul-searching than any other steps of my week and to cope, I often find myself repeating, in some form or another, the phrases above.

From my suburban high school days to present day, I have taken psychological comfort in the fact that the police have my best interests at heart. But seldom other than my two block trek do I let the reality of that privilege bubble to the surface where I can consciously acknowledge its presence.

During my two blocks, I feel guilty that I hold this privilege, and so I try to bury it. Because it is a privilege I will never have to give up, and that makes me feel good. feel safe. feel protected.

So I don't know what it is like to be these two kids. I will never know, and the truth is, I don't want to know.

Cash is Money

 = $$$

I hate carrying cash. In the last five years, I have hardly ever done so. It's heavy. It can be misplaced. And in an age of digital bookkeeping, it creates a huge hassle when I am trying to track and categorize our spending to fall within our monthly budget.

But for small businesses, cash is money. Literally. A recent interaction with Bob, the owner of Coffee Adventures near my new office location in North Beach, reminded me of this. While I was apologizing for not having cash on my tiny purchase, Bob told me about his current dilemma. His Credit Card fees are going up and he has to decide whether to take the hit, or start charging a minimum transaction fee. Current market price on Credit Card fees means my $3 cappuccino, for which I used my credit card, costs Bob around a 1.5% debit fee on the purchase price + $0.25 transaction fee. This ends up being about $0.30, or 10% of my purchase fee! In no way can a small business sustain that type of overhead on minor purchases and remain competitive. 

Since our move into the Mission District, we have made the conscious decision to start carrying more cash. Sure, on bigger purchases, the transaction fee is much less significant, which means a credit card purchase makes much more sense for everyone involved. But for our local coffee shops, restaurants, and produce markets, I now understand why so many can't afford to take on the extra burden of the credit card.

So how will I track all this cash flow in our budget? Well, there's an app for that...

Ticket to Ride

I love riding the bus. Not everyone agrees that the bus is the best means of travel, but for me, it is the best. No, riding the bus is not faster than BART. No, riding the bus is not as healthy for you as walking. No, the bus is not as comfortable as the light-rail trains. But a bus travels across a gentrified city. A bus has the capacity to welcome a larger variety of people into its interior. Today, on my trip from Sutter and Van Ness to home, I saw a women knitting a pink hat, a hipster man and his guitar, a father and his son, a ghost of a man coughing, a heart shaped ballon that needed a seat all to its self, a group of four boy-men listening to rap and coming home from making a difference in our communities, and a teen-ager with a fruit popsicle yelling, "Hold the bus!"

My Marriage, Queen, and the Holy Spirit

Three things I love. Three things that have spoken to me this weekend. Three things that have blessed me. Three things that moved me out of frustration over my limited ability since breaking my finger.

My Marriage: Somehow the mystery of "oneness" is happening to us. Our once independent and some times differing opinions on issues are become more "our" convictions. We are working together. We are playing together. We are following our own passions, together. It is a mystery, but I love it. The part of us that has two working hands served the limited part of us to make sure we got the house cleaned.
Beautiful.

Queen: Hits the emotional nail on the head. Their songs gave me the joy to dance around when I have been fearful of even moving. I was reminded that I am not alone in my pain. Their songs are sad in the lyrics, but the rhythm and melody are upbeat and strong. When life is sad and frustrating, I want to live with vibrancy and strength.
Inspiration.

The Holy Spirit: I was reminded that I am in fact broken, just like my hand. I am limited. But Jesus doesn't care. I don't need to worry about producing an excellent thesis, a clean house, a list of potential jobs, or a network of impressive people. He loves me even if I sit on the couch and let me hand heal. Simple idea in Christianity, but my heart keeps forgetting that Jesus' love is all I need to find my worth.
Truth.

Beautiful Inspiration is Truth. 

Spoke Too Soon

A day after I wrote the previous blog, I fell off my bike and broke my pinky finger on my right hand and seriously sprained my hand. Three days later Danny had food poisoning and had to stay home from my family Christmas celebration in San Luis Obispo. We have slowly been getting back to "normal" and I just chuckle at life.

Even when crappy things happen, there is still much to be thankful for: I'm thankful there was no car behind me. I'm thankful for an understanding boss and a couple of weeks to heal before school (and typing) started. I'm thankful that Danny got sick over a three day weekend so there was plenty of time to recuperate.  I still see God's hand upon us even though 2012 has started a bit rocky.

New Year, Content Feelings

Reflecting on this past year, I realized it was a pretty awesome year for us. There were no major heartaches or hard events. No, 2011 was a year of healing, blessing, and so much fun! Here is a list of the things I am thankful for from 2011:

• Four feet of fresh powder for our first snowboarding trip of the season.
• Two more snowboard trips.
• Began tutoring at the Tenderloin After School Program.
• Enjoyed a membership at the Modern Museum of Art.
• Found Lighthouse Church, which became our home church.
• Beloved Community in Daly City where we made some amazing friends.
• Coffee with Lindsey Smith weekly.
• Deepening relationships in my Masters Classes (e.g. Beer Club).
• Trip to Colorado to see JJ and Tessa.
• A 36 miles round trip bike ride for Danny's Birthday (1,000 ft elevation gain).
• Five weddings. Danny was in two of them.
• Celebrated our 1st Wedding Anniversary in 40 mph gusts of winds while camping with Danny's family in Gaviota California. A unique celebration that was a perfect way to celebrate our crazy first year.
• Had a professor tell me that he was really impressed with my growth since starting my program.
• Completed my first year of my Masters program: 100+  written pages, 1,000+ read pages, and millions of conversations later, I have learned so much!
• A week in Coasta Rica with the Halls for my first family vacation with them.
• Celebrated my mom turning 70 in June with a surprise tea party!
• Spoke about Race, ethnicity, and reconcilation during InterVarsity's Fresno Urban Internship.
• Worked with Destination Science during the summer: Great to contribute to the household expenses and to work daily with kids.
• Summer in the City: Concerts at Stern Grove, a trip to Sonoma, Outside lands concert, bike trips to explore.
• Joined the Hall Fantasy Football league, so participated in my first "Draft Day" (yes, it is a whole day, where we draft together in person).
• Camping in the Redwoods with Church friends.
• Went to my first college football game (Stanford vs UCLA).
• Tailgated for the first time.
• Saw Charlie, my brother-in-law play a couple of times with the UCLA band.
• Blue Angels/Fleet week, enough said.
• My other brother-in-law, Andy and his girlfriend came for a visit one weekend.
• We moved to a more sunny, less hilly, and mold-free area of SF.
• We now live below Dorothy, a friend from church, who is quickly become our SF family.
• Went to the Academy of Sciences for FREE!
• Backpacked with Danny in Marin headlands.
• A surprise birthday party for me!
• A wonderful holiday season with my mom and extended family at Thanksgiving and Danny's family at Christmas.

The main theme for me this year has been family. Danny and I continue to build our own family while learning how to be apart of each other's root family. Nothing like a week trip in a foreign country to bond you with your in-laws! Our church community is beginning to feel more  like family as we continue to develop friendships with them. As a church, we also want to take our "family" into the larger community of San Francisco and welcome more people into our relationships. For me, my "school friends" have also become a sort of family: I call them "my people". They understand me more than any other group of people I have ever encountered. we are there for each other as we sort through many emotions and thoughts. They challenge me as I dream of what I will be when I "grow-up" and hold me accountable to making a difference in the world.

I know that 2011 was not so good for other people. For that I feel blessed, humbled, and grateful for such an amazing year. I did not deserve such a wonderful year, but the Lord has been good to me. May 2012 be such a year for you no matter what 2011 was like.