I'm not talking about belief as in proof-of-existence. Better synonyms might be hope. expectation. anticipation.
God has this defining characteristic where He comes through. God exceeds expectations. But people don't. People are selfish, lazy, arrogant, insecure. People are me.
I want hope. expectation. anticipation. for our new home, SF Lighthouse. So much is happening that my soul resonates with. But it's risky. I'm in the infatuation stage of a dating relationship. Eventually I'll be hurt. disappointed. let down. There are just too many people in the Church. There is just too much of me in the Church.
To be clear, I'm not coming from a negative church experience. Agape Church in SLO was instrumental in my spiritual growth over the last 5 years I attended. It's not any one church. Instead, I find I continually have doubts about the Church as an organization. Damn postmodern child that I am, I question anything structured, advertised, or non-organic (except Apple products, of course).
Perhaps I need not worry so much about my faith in God right now and concern myself with my faith in his Church. It's a different kind of faith. Not a faith like I have in God, that belief that he will exceed expectations. But the faith that He knows what he is doing with his Church as an organization. And the faith that every once in a while, his Church glistens in the pre-dawn light, and for that moment the Kingdom of God seems very much at hand....
To recover that faith, SF Lighthouse seems a good place for the journey.
